Are You Listening? Better Listening, Better Leadership

In one of my previous jobs I ran into a problem.  My colleagues kept coming into my office and sitting and talking with me for long periods of time.  While this didn’t impact my performance—it did impact the amount of time I needed to spend working.  I would come in early or stay later to get work done. 

One day I was discussing this issue with my supervisor and he said, “People come and talk to you because you listen.  Just stop listening and they won’t come in as often.”  Stop listening.  I couldn’t imagine what “not listening” would look like.  I tried, but I couldn’t stop.  My solution?  Pile books on all the chairs in my office.  When there was nowhere to sit—people spent less time in my office.

Now, don’t get me wrong—I can talk with the best of talkers too, but for me listening to people and reflecting on what they say comes very natural to me.  As a “natural” listener, it makes me crazy when people don’t listen.  Trust me—you are not fooling anyone.  We know when you are not listening. 

This irritation transitions over to my work with leaders.  I urge leaders to put away the notion that their employee expects an immediate solution.  Set aside the belief that your worth is measured by the number of times you speak up in a meeting.  Retire the perception that leadership is about having all the answers.  Stop…and listen. 

Stephen R. Covey wrote, “Most people don’t listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”  We all fall into this trap at times, but I think it is especially hard for leaders who have been programmed (and even rewarded) for being the “talker” rather than the “listener.”

Listening is Leading

Organizations have traditionally rewarded leaders who were quick to speak up, dominated meetings, and exuded a more extroverted and confident style of communications.  We see this spread most predominant at the highest levels of the company.  According to one 2009 study published in the journal of Industrial and Organizational Psychology only 30% of supervisors displayed a more extroverted communication style while at the executive level that number jumped to 60% with an extroverted style.

However, speaking up more in meetings does not necessarily equate success.  When Douglas R. Conant was hired as CEO of the Campbell’s Soup Company, he was tasked with bringing the company culture back from the brink.  Conant wasn’t your typical charismatic CEO.  He shares in a Harvard Business Review article how he is sometimes perceived in meetings.  He explains, “When viewed from the outside, it may seem that I’m not openly contributing as much as I could or should, but that’s just because I’m busy listening and thinking.”

Conant’s strategy of “listen more and talk less” paid off.  During the Great Recession, Campbell’s stock rose nearly 7% and employee engagement scores went from the 25th percentile to the 82nd percentile.

In his 2012 Forbes piece, Mike Myatt, Chairman at N2Growth states, “The best leaders are proactive, strategic, and intuitive listeners. They recognize knowledge and wisdom are not gained by talking, but by listening.”

Listening Builds Trust

Trust is built on many behaviors—listening being one of them.  Brene Brown discovered through her research that “Trust is earned not through heroic deeds, or even highly visible actions, but through paying attention, listening, and gestures of genuine care and connection.”

Listening to employee’s ideas or concerns demonstrates that the leader cares—about them and the work that they do.  David Horsager from Trust Edge Research asserts, “Bad listening habits aren’t just rude; they are expensive.”  When we don’t listen, we lose opportunities, we lose friendships, we lose trust.   

Becoming a Better Listener

How can you become a better listener?

Here are a few tips:

• Put the phone away.  Remove all electronic distractions while you are having a conversation.  Turn off your sound notifications (or learn to ignore them).
• Create a listening mantra.  Say to yourself before a conversation, “I will do my best to be present for this person.”  This helps you to set your intention and set other things aside to keep your promise to be present.
• Do a quick “presence” debrief with yourself after a conversation.  Ask yourself,
  • Was I as present as I could have been in this conversation? 
  • If I needed to explain a summary of this conversation to another leader am I confident that I could do that accurately?
  • Were there things that were distracting me?  What can I do next time to eliminate distractions?

Listening is a Foundational Leadership Skill

If you have been through any leadership training, you have probably spent quite a bit of time learning techniques for coaching or giving feedback.  Perhaps, a small segment of that training was on listening.  However, without good listening skills—coaching, providing feedback, delegating and any skill that requires strong communication and listening ability will continue to be difficult.

Being a consistent listener has a positive impact on people and your business results.  Building your listening skills is effortful, but with some self-awareness and practice you will build a strong foundation for your leadership.